InuYasha's Night Before Christmas
by inuyashaloverr
Summary: A parody of sorts of the poem, 'Twas The Night Before Christmas. For the sake of the original poem and my additions to make this parody there is a lack of punctuation. Yes, this is on purpose! ;


-1Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the hut,  
Not a creature was stirring, not even the kit.

The stockings were all hung by the fire pit with care,  
In hopes that some fat guy Kagome said would be here.

The lecher and slayer were nestled all snug in their beds,  
While both had visions of hands-  
ones on ones ass, the other up the side of ones head.

With Kagome in her 'bag' and I in my cap? WTF?  
Had just settled our brains for a long winter's nap. "Ah, wait a minute, I sleep against the wall inside!"

When out in the village there arose such a clatter,  
I sprang from my 'wall' to see what the hell was goin on.  
Away to the window I took off like a bat outta hell,  
Tore off the matt coverin it, and shrugged, "Ah fuckin' well."

The moon on the breast… 'blushes', "OK, who wrote this again? Grumbles…" of fresh fallen snow makin it look like it was daylight down below. 

When, "What the hell?" came spillin out before my eyes should appear,  
But a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer?

With a little old driver, so lively and quick,  
I knew in a moment it must be St Nick. "Wait a second now, is that you, Myoga?" InuYasha leaned over with narrowed eyes…

The tiny flea gulped!

More rapid than eagles… 'Wait a minute, those 'are' birds pullin that damned thing!'  
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name!

"Now Dasher! now, Dancer! now, Prancer and Vixen!

"Ah great, ya woke the Monk up now, Myoga-Santa." InuYasha observed the monk moving slow, and was that a hand print on his face? Damn, what the hell does he dream abo… nix that thought the hanyou snickered.

On, Comet! On, Cupid! on, on Donner and Blitzen!

"Keep this up and you'll be wakin up the whole damned village!"

"Um, sorry Master InuYasha, but Lady Kagome told me the story, that's why I'm here", chuckled a nervous Myoga that was Santa.

To the top of the porch!  
"We have no porch," InuYasha replied dryly.   
To the top of the wall!  
" Well," mumbled the Hanyou, "we do have that".

Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly... "Myoga-Santa! You're gettin this crap in my eyes!" grumped the Hanyou.

When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky.

'Oh... Lord Sesshomaru, just missed him, that was close… whew!' Myoga-Santa furiously wiped his brow at the near miss.

"I don't think the jackass is in on it, 'San-TA". The Hanyou quipped.

So up to the house-top the 'birds' they did fly,

With the sleigh full of Toys, and St Nicholas too.

"St. Nik-o-who? I thought you was to be some fat guy Kagome called 'Santa'? Um, gettin a little carried away there, ain't ya, Myoga?" InuYasha rolled his eyes.

Myoga, giving a stern look, leaned over to whisper to his Master and the Monk, "I am trying to play the part for young Shippo at the request of Lady Kagome, Master, I was hoping you would go along with it!"

The good Monk had the decency to look embarrassed, whereas InuYasha merely snorted. "Keh!"

InuYasha handed the book to the Monk, pointed, and told him to read.

Miroku continued:

And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof,

The prancing and pawing of each little hoof. 'Wait, hoof? Sounds more like crows feet to me', InuYasha thought to himself as he looked up at said roof.

As I drew in my head, and was turning around,  
Down the chimney St Nicholas came with a bound.

Both InuYasha and Miroku couldn't help but laugh at seeing a bright red Myoga doin a quick two-step tryin to get outta the fire pit.

He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,

And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot.

InuYasha walked over to Myoga-Santa, picked him up and shook him off a bit.  
"Thank you, Master InuYasha", Myoga-Santa humbled himself.

InuYasha gave a "Keh!" as his only reply.

With Myoga-Santa back in business…

A bundle of Toys he had flung on his back,  
And he looked like a peddler, just opening his pack.

'Oh joy,' InuYasha thought, 'more tricks for the runt to play on me. What I do for Kagome,' he sighed.

His eyes-how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!  
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!

Both InuYasha and Miroku chuckled some more from Myoga still being a bit reddened from the 'fire pit incident'

His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,  
And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow.

"Whoa, Myoga San-TA , where in the hell did you get a beard at?" InuYasha asked with a glare.

Myoga stomped his tiny feet and crossed his little arms and glared right back at his Master. "I grew the beard just for tonight, if you must know," he said indignant as he continued with what he was doing.

InuYasha and Miroku just stared at one another and shrugged. Who knew? Better yet, why hadn't they noticed before?

The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,  
And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath.  
He had a broad face and a little round belly,  
That shook when he laughed, like a bowlful of jelly!

Miroku looked up from the book to InuYasha and asked, "Why is it he looks the part so much?"

All the Hanyou could do was shrug his shoulders.

He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,  
And both InuYasha and Miroku laughed when they saw him, in spite of themselves!

Myoga-Santa eyed them suspiciously.

A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,  
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread.

'Dread? Ha! I'll give Myoga-Santa somethin to dread, aight,' the hanyou thought to himself, smirk firmly in place.

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,  
And filled all the stockings, then turned with a jerk.

Startling the Monk and Hanyou causing them to back away fast.

And laying his finger aside of his nose,  
And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose!

"Oi, Myoga-Santa, watch out for the flames in the fire pit!" InuYasha called up to him as he chuckled some more.

He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,  
the 'birds', 'snicker' all took off and they all flew like the down of a thistle.

But all heard him exclaim, as he took off out of sight,  
"Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-night!"

Slowly closing the book, Miroku turned to regard his friend. "Well InuYasha, that wasn't so bad now was it?"

InuYasha leaned back and snorted. "Depends - who's gonna be on the receiving end of all those toys of Shippo's."

They both shuddered at the thought.


End file.
